I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
