Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
