Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize