Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
