tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
