if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Someone stole a lamp last night.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
