Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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