last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sorry about my life...
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
