my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Randomize