Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
