If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
