I just saw a hot homeless man
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
The best revenge is premature balding
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Randomize
