What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
