You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
