We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
