your room smells of hookers.
And success
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
