i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
