just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
