tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
