she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
