i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I need moral support for this bender
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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