He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
