that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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