Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize