it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
