oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
