So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize