After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
