really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
