I'm laying in your front yard are you home
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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