My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
When are your genitals available?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize