Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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