Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
