standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
