Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
