So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
