it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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