Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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