i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Randomize