my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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