he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Randomize
