Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
