Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
