Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
