Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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