I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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