We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
