After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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