Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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