it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
