if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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