I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
