Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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