No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
