My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
why didn't you poke me back
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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