Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
