I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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