I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
