420 ftw
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
