I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize