Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Boobs speak an international language.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
