Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
