my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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