I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
someone owes me an orgasm
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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