I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
