Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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