Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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