oh god the rape fog is back!
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
