Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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