I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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