Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize