and next time when you feel me up, do it right
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
did i walk over a car last night?
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
