I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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