Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
