is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
