We won't sleep together?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
