I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
