Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
