When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bondβ¦.epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize