You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
