May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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