can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
