I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
