i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
