i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
