It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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