Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
