she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
