I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
