It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I think I just sharted jello shots
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
