I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
