I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
