there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
