we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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