upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
