Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Randomize
