I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
