its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
